Positive Parenting?


I’ve heard the phrase positive parenting many times before and thought I understood what it meant. However recently I’ve started to re-think how I feel about this.  Whilst we do need to be positive about our children and in turn make our parenting a positive experience – are their dangers in being too positive?

What do I mean by that question?  Well over the last few weeks I’ve heard of two sad stories around adoption and people I know.  Situations that have led to the children being placed elsewhere and possibly going back to the cycle of destruction they came from.  I know for me, and many others, adoption is about trying to help break the cycles that people find themselves in, due to poor parenting and/or bad choices.  We see it many times – that without something different happening the children will go on to be unable to function well enough with their own children, and so on.

This all feels pretty negative to me – not so positive maybe.  And those stories have stuck with me.  So much so that I worry sometimes how much good we are really doing for our children!  Of course we won’t know that for years to come yet and its the same with birth children – you never know what choices they will make and what life will throw at them in the future.  You just have to do all you can with the knowledge you have and strive to be the best parent you can be.

So back to my original question – are there dangers to being too positive?  Does being positive mean you ignore the signs that things may not be going well?  And if you major on the negative signs does it mean you miss the positive progress thats been made already?  I was on a course this last weekend where we were asked to draw out how our daily lives are, or how they feel, with our children.  It may feel like a roller coaster, a river, a skydive – whatever.

My daily journey made me think of a holiday I took about 20 years ago in Poland. It was a kayaking holiday with friends where we kayaked all day then camped over night.  Not my kind of holiday actually – dirty, smelly, uncomfortable and hard work!  BUT there were moments of simple pleasure, times when the comfort of warm clothes, a hot fire and food were amazing.

IStock 000007033685XSmall

That’s how my daily life feels sometimes with our children – it’s hard work, can be uncomfortable, muscles ache where I’d not known I had muscles before – and then there are those moments in the day of shire joy!  When the simplicity of children having fun, being comforted and needing their parents, is like a hot fire when you’re freezing!

So an interesting question maybe and one I have no answers to yet!  It’s a journey with our children and I hope you will travel on that journey with me…..let me know your thoughts.



This entry was posted in Attitudes and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.