I’m a Mother….get me out of here!

Selfregulation

There are times when I would love to scream I’M A MOTHER GET ME OUT OF HERE, when my three demanding and needy children can not leave me alone, when they insist on squabbling with each other all day, when they are screaming or singing at the top of their voices, or like yesterday when we are at a restaurant and they can not settle so we can have a nice meal together. Of course a lot of this they can’t help and it is part of the challenge of parenting I guess!

What has struck me today though is about my expectations. The difference with whether I can cope with being a Mum one day and then the next it seems unbearable is my expectations. Yesterday was my birthday and I wanted just for one day to be able to say what I wanted to do and be able to do it. They are high expectations actually when you’re a Mum and especially if you’re looking after them on your own that day. My kids can’t really understand the concept of putting their feelings aside for the sake of someone else – even just for a day. My very unrealistic expectations were that they would be able to put aside their issues for one day!

It’s made me realise of course that they can’t do that, if they could that would imply that they can help how they feel and behave at all. They can’t a lot of the time. They react from their trauma and attachment difficulties not out of spite or malice. They can not control their reactions at the moment. Sometimes I believe they can, but that’s very unrealistic – especially for them to be able to on the exact day I’d like them too. It can be very exhausting though always being the one to have to put your own feelings aside and be the parent they need you to be.

I am more and more convinced that looking after yourself as parents is essential in the therapeutic parenting role. There’s so many day to day issues that demand your energy, patience and putting your needs aside. If you don’t take the time to have your own needs met occasionally you will burn out and become resentful of the needs your children have.

So to avoid getting to the point of having to shout “I’m a Mother get me out of here” take the time regularly to get input yourself, to relax, to watch what you want to on TV, to go shopping – whatever it is. The more often you can do this the more chance you will be able to endure the trials of parenting and gain the prize available through parenting your wonderful children.

 

 

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